Today, the NCAA proved it’s serious about cleaning up the corruption rampant in college sports. The University of Kentucky issued a statement, ordered by the NCAA Committee on Infractions, formally recognizing they were in error having a celebration last season honoring John Calipari’s 500th coaching victory.
After learning of the raucous private party in which the university honored the coach with cake, ice cream, a congratulatory card, and allegedly a chorus of “For He’s a Jolly Good Fellow,” collegiate athletics enforcement body immediately launched an investigation. They notified UK officials that because of vacated victories while Calipari was at Memphis (in which the NCAA specifically found no wrondoing on Calipari’s part) he was technically short of 500 victories. They demanded UK issue a public apology recognizing the error (honest, they did) which UK complied with today.
Sources close to the university, however, claim that AD Mitch Barnhart had his fingers crossed behind his back while delivering the mea culpa. When reached for comment, NCAA COI member, Jack Clouseau, said he was looking into the matter.
Clouseau said he hoped this matter could be put behind them so they could continue to investigate serious allegations that Columbus area girls scouts had been supplying boxes of Thin Mints and Tag-a-longs to OSU football players in exchange for Buckeye leaf helmet decals which they were gratuitously displaying on their binders at school.
Clouseau added he was unaware of any investigation into an Oregon player speeding in a car titled to the university or any new developments in the Cam Newton case at Auburn.
“Sadly, there’s only so much we can do,” Clouseau said. “We have to set our priorities and deal with the more pressing matters.”