Rant of the Day: “Too Full of ‘Bama”

If you’ve not been following this soap opera, the face to right is that of Harvey Updyke, accused Alabama tree-killer. Mr. Updyke, in a fit of pique over an Auburn fan’s radio comments, “Al from Dadeville” thought a retributive prank was in order. So he went down to Toomer’s Corner, a sacred spot where Auburn fans “toilet paper” trees following football victories, and proceeded to poison the aforementioned trees…and then went on Paul Finebaum’s nationally syndicated radio show to brag about it.

Sporting enthusiasts long ago earned the name “fan” from their fanatical following of their favorite teams. Certainly, sports, perhaps even more so than love, make us all do some pretty stupid things. I doubt many men have painted their faces and gone shirtless in sub-zero temperatures for a woman. Multi-billion dollar industries exist because of our propensity to spend large sums of cash to display our fanaticism. But there’s another class of sports follower out there and Mr. Updyke is the poster child. He’s no mere fanatic. He’s a psychopath!

In an interview on Finebaum’s show yesterday, Updyke seemed caught between apologizing (which I’m sure his attorney has instructed him to do) and bragging.

I just got caught up in it, Paul. All my life I’ve been an Alabama fan. i have children 30 years old named Bear Bryant and Crimson Tide. Crimson likes her name, and Bear likes his name. My baby girl, I wanted to name her Ally Bama. That is true. Call her Ally, or call her Bama. My new wife said you done ruined the other two, you’re not ruining this one. i have 40 different Alabama hats. Every time I go out I have an Alabama T-shirt. If I was listening to me on the radio, I’d say, yeah he’s a nut. I went through the bad years. I saw Tommy Tuberville sticking his fingers and thumbs up in the air. I don’t have season tickets. I never went to Alabama. I went to a small junior college. But I am an Alabama fan. They can put me in prison. I am an Alabama fan. I’ll apologize for what I’ve done to the university. I saw Nick Saban sent money. It’s not their fault, and I apologize.

This guy is certifiable. If they don’t jail him for what he did to Auburn’s trees, they should put him away for the harm he’s brought to his children!

Sadly, Mr. Updyke isn’t the only criminally insane person in this case. He alleges that he was attacked outside his car the other day after appearing in court. Udyke was careful though not to reactively blame an Auburn fan. ” I’ve had numerous Alabama fans upset as the Auburn fans.” If Mr. Updyke is telling the truth (who really knows), the fan who assaulted him may be a bigger nutjob than Harvey!

At the conclusion of the interview, Updyke made what seemed to be an appeal for sympathy from his detractors:

I just want to tell them I’m not a bad person. I’m a Alabama fan. Tommy Lewis and the ’54 Cotton Bowl. He came off the bench and tackled the Rice player. They asked him why’d you do it? He said, “I just have too much Bama in me.” Too full of Bama. To the Auburn people, I don’t blame them. I’m gonna get what I deserve. [Says goodbyes.]

This is gonna make people mad, but I gotta do it. Roll damn Tide.

Too full of Bama? He’s too full of something all right.

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About Chuck Chapman

I'm a professional writer who mainly specializes in sports. I have two NFL sites that are part of the Sports Media 101 network, Bengals 101 and Colts 101. If you've found my on WordPress, then you're either reading about families and relationships on So, We're Not the Huxtables, or you've found my daughter's "Princess Kate Stories." She's an imaginative little girl who just loves to tell stories. She sees her daddy writing every day and wanted her own blog where she can share her vivid imagination. We both hope our readers enjoy our work. We certainly do. Feel free to take the time to introduce yourself, leave a comment, or even subscribe to get regular updates. Thanks for reading.
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One Response to Rant of the Day: “Too Full of ‘Bama”

  1. Van says:

    As a life long Bama fan, I’m appalled and embarrassed. I can only ask that we all remember: “where there’s light. . . .there are bugs.”

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